Day 101

I had a rough night’s sleep last night and just couldn’t settle, so it should come as no surprise to me that I only woke up at 11AM, and spent the full of the next hour not only polishing up yesterday’s journal but just staring into space. 

This is not how I intended my Sunday to go, but it is what it is, and I now need to start making a concentrated effort to salvage some good from this day.

I can take a deep breath, know that my routine has already gone today, and try to make the best of things.

I make tea, and a little more distraction follows before I’m finally able to calm my head and get into work.

12.25PM – WORK

I decide that two hours work is allowed today, just to get a head start. Then the rest of the day will be cleaning, 12 step meeting, and a date with Sam.

I get one article finished off, and am trying to get my head around a second one when Sam starts messaging me. Eventually, I put things on pause to talk with her.

2.06PM – PHONE CALL WITH SAM

We chat for a good while and its nice. Whatever happens between us, I think we’re always going to be close.

3.30PM – BACK TO WORK

I get a second, and a third article all finished off and done, and actually feel pretty good about myself. It actually makes me feel like yes, I am on course with things and yes, this is going to be a good week.

2017-06-26 10.20.33

4.35PM –  MAKE FOOD

I feel hungry, obviously because I haven’t eaten anything all day, so I take a break and make a bowl of porridge, thinking that I’ll get back to chicken and veg and good stuff tomorrow.

I eat porridge and play a little PlayStation 2, then it’s time to get ready to go out.

5.25PM – SHOWER AND GET READY TO LEAVE

I shower, shave, brush teeth, and get dressed, but I find a heavy wave of fatigue crash over me, bringing with it feelings of despondency and downheartedness, like I just haven’t got it in me today to fight on. This is surprising because earlier I was feeling quite happy about everything and how much progress I was making, now I just want to hide away .

I don’t though.

After a while just browsing the Internet, I get up off my ass and cycle to the meeting.

6.28PM – LEAVE FOR 12 STEP MEETING

I cycle the short way there, get there, and immediately regret it. I feel ill at ease, uncomfortable, agitated and anxious. I appreciate that it’s just the anti-depressants working their way back into my system, but it is still a horrible feeling.

As soon as there is a break for tea and coffee, I get up and I leave as quietly as possible. I think only two people noticed me going.

8.03PM – WORK ON HOBBY BLOG

I make a second bowl of porridge (seriously, that’s all I ate today), and finish up all the main content for my next hobby blog. All it needs now is an introduction and conclusion, and then all the usual SEO and images and social sharing and what not.

9.47PM – TIDY UP

I’m still nowhere near ready for the flat inspection on Tuesday, but at least doing a little bit at a time helps get me there, so that when I do a big clean up tomorrow evening, it won’t be half as much pressure as this.

11PM – BED

I give up, crash out, exhausted and content for another day, then gradually fall asleep some time after midnight.

REFLECTIONS ON TODAY

I really hate the way anti-depressants fuck with me in the early stages, and for a long time afterwards. They are horrible things and I am going to eventually start looking at ways that I can get off them completely but still keep my seratonin up and feeling good.

For now, all I have to say, is that today was what it was. I’m glad that I got some work done, and that I have another hobby blog review ready to go when I get round to it. I’m looking forward to a busy, productive and successful week starting from tomorrow.

Tomorrow is another day.

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