Day 59

I slept in late this morning, sleeping off the very tiring day I had yesterday and waking up at 9.09AM. 

I slowly, very slowly, crawled from under the covers, put my dead iPhone onto charge, fired up the laptop, then went into the kitchen to make my omelette, cup of tea, and hot water bottle.

From there, I sat down to scan a few websites whilst eating breakfast, and also to copy yesterday’s journal from my notes on my phone onto this blog.

After that, I was feeling groggy and stiff and sore, so I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and got dressed, all the while aware that time is getting away from me and stopping me from doing what I need to get done today.


I’m not even sure how the best part of two hours has passed this morning, but I know that it has, and I need to start making the most of my time, so I make a second cup of tea, and sit down with my gratitude journal for a few minutes.

I write in my gratitude journal about how grateful I am for yesterday, for having a friend like Jen in my life, and for having such an abundance of wildlife on my doorstep.

Then, I come to my meditation. I definitely do not feel calm today, so I go back to the calming meditation I found on Day 54.

That helped, but I still have to accept today just as it comes. Whatever I’m supposed to get done today is what I’ll get done.


I just need to do the basics here, just get it done, even though I am in pain today, even though I hurt like hell, I still need to do these things.

I get those done, and then grab what I hope is going to be my last cup of tea before I start changing things around.


I wrote out my ten weekly goals yesterday, but what I didn’t have time to do, was to break those ten goals down into fifty small, manageable tasks, and to create a chart so that I can ensure that every single day, I am doing something to improve my life in four main areas:


So I do that now.


I’ve got basic errands to run today, like taking a load of laundry to be done, so I get ready to go out and do those things now.


First I drop a bag of washing off at my parents. I will do the laundry myself but there is currently a load in, so I leave it for now

And have a chat to my parents for a while. I tell them about yesterday’s adventure up Rivington Pike and they show me their new conservatory. It looks nice but not really my taste.

After that, I head off into town because I need to buy the following:

  • Ingredients for my vegetable curry that I’m planning to make
  • Shampoo and conditioner
  • Toothpaste
  • White vinegar
  • Disinfectant wipes
  • Deodorant
  • Sweet potatoes

I got all of that, plus a few extra bits including:

  • Toilet paper
  • Curry sauce (a treat sometime later)
  • Nan breads
  • Kale

Also, the supermarket didn’t have the red kidney beans I normally like for my curry, so I substituted white ones instead.

I hope that is going to be ok.

I’m aware that I still have two pieces of work to do today, plus getting my shopping home and unpacked, visiting my parents again to sort the laundry out and making this curry.

I can get it done, despite how tired I am today, but it is going to take some determination, at least that’s how I feel right now as I write this, preparing to head home.


I’m not home for long, just long enough to put all the shopping away where it’s supposed to go and grab a quick drink, then get back out the door.


Nothing exciting here, I just walked down there, and there was nobody home, so I put my washing on, and then said hello to the dog and headed home. Whilst I’m walking back, Sam calls but she can hardly hear me and her phone is dying, so she will phone me back later.

2.48PM – WORK

Whilst I’m waiting for Sam to get back, I’ve got two work tasks to do; proof read some social media posts, and also write an email mailer. I kind of wish the client had given me more time to get this mailer done, instead of asking me on Saturday for a mailer that is due to go out on Tuesday, but I’ll do my best.

That was actually easier than I thought it would be, unless of course the mailers come back and they’re all wrong.

I also talk to Sam a bit whilst doing that stuff.


I’m starting to get hungry, so I make a small bowl of chicken and vegetables for a late lunch, and generally sweep around the kitchen whilst it’s cooking.



I can’t lie today, the knee that I had surgery on several years ago is giving me all kinds of hell today. It is painful to the point of it being a trouble to walk.

It did this to me last year when I was out cycling a lot too, and I can only assume that it is because I am doing more exercise with it than is normal for me. Let’s take that as a good sign.

I mention this now because my knee really bothers me as I sit down to eat and update this journal.



My word count total for this week is  a stupidly high 10,000+ plus. I’m ignoring that right now though and just focussing on what I need to do this week.

I am planning to write an article on Medium about how Champix (Chantix in America) helped me to quit smoking last year.

I drafted an introduction down in my phone earlier, so my first task is to copy that over to Medium, and then do a bit more.

I had planned to use pen and paper to spend this evening planning a draft, but I get swept up by the introduction and go with it.

This is the kind of writing I love, when I just get swept up in it and could keep going.

I keep going, but reach a point where I need to start doing some research.

I decide that is for when I have more time, and for now, I’m going to take a shower.


Despite being in stupid amounts of pain, I decide that I’m going to go to the meeting, even if only for half of it.

So I quickly have a shower, get dressed, and then get my cycling gear ready, and then take two more painkillers, which was (update: and proves to be) a dumb move.


I’m in too much pain to go the normal route round to the meeting, so I take the shorter way.

I get there, and I feel good to be with people, but the painkillers make me woozy and nauseous and I feel groggy and shitty. I can’t wait to get out of there.

Then a guy shares for about 20 minutes and really pisses me off, I make no bones about the fact that I’m angry and storm off out of the meeting the very second it is announced that we’re breaking for tea and coffee.

Not my finest move, and certainly not something I’m happy about, but I felt like shit and just needed to get out of there.

I cycled home and was tempted to buy a big ass cake to cheer me up, but then a voice kicked in that reminded me that eating away my feelings is not going to help. So instead I bought something healthier for dinner, then rode home.

The short cycle gave me 4.74 miles to add to my total.


Once home, I exchange messages with Sam whilst getting dinner ready. I am by this point starving, and very much looking forward to eating.

Getting food ready gives me the chances to unwind, to let go of resentful feelings and remind myself that everything is OK.

Today, this evening, that one period of just a few minutes was just a small, tiny blip on the rest of my day.

I am allowed blips, I am not allowed to act like that full time. And I won’t.

Right now, I am once again at peace. I am calm. I am a mountain, unmovable.


That is basically my night done. I am tired, in pain, and just not feeling great, so I have a quick chat on the phone with Sam, eat dinner and crash out for the night.

Nothing else happens and I go to bed after one last chat with Sam at 11.28PM.


Could have done better.

I was excited about making progress today but being run down and sore I ended up reacting badly to things and not quite having the day that I wanted to have.

Still, I believe that I made some progress, and for now that is enough for me.

Tomorrow is another day, and I can always start again.


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