Day 56

After drifting off to sleep before midnight last night, I woke up this morning at 7.17AM and spent the first ten minutes just lying there, slowly waking up and taking in what a beautiful day this is going to be.

Eventually, I get up, make my omelette, my tea, and my hot water bottle, then sit down to write a daily TDL and to waste a while just browsing through the Internet and reading Twitter.

That takes longer than I expected, but it is good to have a normal routine in a morning again.


Today, I write in my gratitude journal about how grateful I am that Sam and I patched things up, which leads to general gratitude about how I am not the same person today that I used to be.

I went back to trying the Positive Mind meditation that I was doing when I first started this blog, but I have never found it to be all that effective, so may be it’s time I give that one up and start looking at other meditations.


I don’t feel like doing my full stretch routine today, but I know that I need to, this is the point where knowing what I’m working towards comes into play, where it forces me to do the things I don’t feel like doing because it will be better for me.


This sounds ridiculous, but I never knew that was called disicpline until I looked up that picture.

Anyway, I get the full stretch routine done, grab my meds, take a quick shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed into some comfy clothes.

9.01AM – WORK

My plan today is to do one article to keep my client happy, then to focus on spending the rest of the day getting the rest of my weekly goals tidied up.

From there, I can fully devote myself to finishing the job I’m working on tomorrow.

My soundtrack for this work is this Spotify playlist.

That was a little challenging this morning, but I got through it, and it is done. Next, my task is to get ready and go clock up some miles on my bike, despite the fact that I hurt like shit today.


I quickly change into my usual cycling clothes (comfy, not the typical Captain Spandex stuff), get my water, bike lock, and wallet together (the goal is to take the long route to the supermarket and back), and then get ready to head out the door.


This was an interesting one. First I did the usual route round the top end of Pennington Flash, but attempted to take a short flight of steep steps and promptly toppled over and fell off my bike.

I cleared those steps last time, but that was when they took me by surprise and I didn’t have time to panic. I was hurting, sure, but not in any serious pain and not -as far as I know- injured.

Anyway, then I got on the canal and went half way in the wrong direction on purpose, just to clock up some miles, then at a certain point I turned around and rode up the canal to the supermarket, there I bought:

  • Porridge (what I went for)
  • Vegetable pasta sauce (also what I went for)
  • Lemon green tea (what I had no idea I wanted)
  • Four chicken steaks (also what I hadn’t planned on buying)
  • Small protein bar for lunch
  • Energy drink.

I hate energy drinks but I bought it because it was the only small sized drink I could just take with me and drink – everything else was multi-packs or huge bottles of water.

I got outside, ate the protein bar, drank about four swigs of the energy drink then remembered why I hate energy drinks and threw it away.

With that, I raced down the canal to get home and swap a few messages with Sam.

12.32PM – HOME

Once home, I put my bike away, grabbed my first pint glass of water for the day, put my shopping away and sat down to text with Sam.

Whilst I was doing that, I got this journal updated, and then began to get on with the next thing.


As I’ve been saying for the last few days, this thing is almost completely done, all it needs now is a little bio picture of me, an email address setting up, and a couple of contact forms making.

The email address and contact forms are my job for today.

That was relatively straight forward and easy to do, so now I can concentrate on getting dressed and doing more backbreaking work in Dad’s garden for a few hours.


I get down there, and it turns out that the garden didn’t take as long as I thought it would because the two poles that I had to dig out of the ground just kind of snapped off.

So instead, I had a bath, then came back home.

Getting that gardening work done completes the sixth of my ten weekly goals.


I use up the crumpets I bought yesterday with three pieces of cheese..later,, I will no doubt complain on here about my diet.

I eat those whilst catching up on a few websites, then decide to test to see if I need a nap before I do anything else.

3.34PM – NAP

I had a good, deep nap that could have lasted a lot longer if I had let it. Instead, I gt myself up after about an hour and 20 minutes, enjoying the warm, soft glow that comes with waking up from rest.

After waking, I get my dressing gown on and make a cup of tea, then get back to the computer ready for some more work.


I recall that I started to do this last Friday but didn’t get very far because I had to get ready and head to a meeting.

Now that I have a little bit more time, I decide to have another go.

I get most of that done, which cuts a bit into the second bike ride I was planning, but it is done, and I am happy with it. I will spend a bit more time now promoting via those websites as I do want to start increasing the amount that I work again, but for now I am happy with the work I have done, and with crossing off a seventh weekly goal and another monthly goal.


I quickly got my kit together, half regretting even going to the meeting in the first place, but I know that it’s good for me and that the extra miles will do me good.


I cycle the semi-long way to the meeting up the canal, and get there at 7.24PM.

I stay for the first half of the meeting, but it’s a female newcomers meeting, so at half time I make my excuses (I told my friends I was sore after falling off my bike, which is true), I went to Asda and bought some dinner then cycled home and landed at 8.52PM.

That bike ride was 6.52 miles, plus the 11.45 miles I did this morning gives me a total of 17.97 miles.

Now I actually only have to cycle one mile tomorrow to beat off my target.


I’m having a chicken steak with meatballs, which I’ve weirdly got a craving for. Whilst that’s cooking, I put the dishes on to soak and update this journal and also fire the TV up.


With dinner almost done, I get the dishes washed and cleaned up in the kitchen, then it’s time for me to crash and call it a day.


Every time I write this bit in my journal I feel embarrassed and ashamed that this is what I do with my nights, but I suppose everybody is allowed to rest and recover some time. Next week it will be back to full on Sam all the time, so having this one week of early nights is probably going to be good for me.

I think it is about 11PM when I finally call time and decide to go to sleep.


I don’t know what it is that makes me so resistant to doing the good things in my life. Today, everything from mental and physical health to diet, to work, to the meeting, has seemed like harder work than it normally is, with a desire instead to do all the things that are bad for me – to watch TV instead of getting something done, to drink a glass of water instead of more tea.

I realise that this is a problem, and I think realising and admitting that it is a problem is the first step to recovery.

Tomorrow is another day, and I can try again.


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