Day 29

I don’t think I properly fell asleep last night until gone 3am, so I’m not surprised that I slept right the way through until 9.45am this morning. 

It’s Good Friday today, so I’m not the only one sleeping in, but I probably am the only one treating this just like a normal day, getting up and getting on with things.

I make tea, make a TDL, and waste a few minutes reading the internet. By the time I’m ready to get started, it’s 10.15AM.

10.15AM – GRATITUDE AND MEDITATION

Let’s start this one off the right way, shall we?

I struggle through it, distracted and unfocused,  but at least I got it done, and getting it done is a start. It’s about keeping up that routine, as long as it’s done, as long as I’m there -even if its only going through the motions- it will become a habit, and a good habit at that.

Whilst I’m reflecting, I am reminded that peace and serenity are not an end goal, they are not “things to achieve” they are states of being   that only come when I stop trying to achieve them.

10.39AM – BACK STRETCHES, SHOWER, AND MEDICATION

All straight forward stuff. I think I can start to feel the back stretches working for me, but I know I’m only at the very beginning here, and there’s a lot of work to do.

It’s only when I sit back down to update this journal that I realise I forgot to take my medication, so I rush back to the kitchen to take care of that next.

11.17AM – WORK

Today I’m setting up Jenny’s website. It’s WordPress, so it should be straight forward, but let’s see.

I get the domain moved over to a hosting package, a theme all picked out and ready to go, and WordPress installed.

I also get the artwork ready, but I think because I just moved the domain name over to the hosting, it hasn’t propegated yet, so I can’t actually use it. I decide to give it may be 30 minutes or before It ry again.

12.03PM – TIDY LIVING ROOM

I might as well keep myself busy whilst i’m up and about. My living room has become a disaster, so I make a cup of tea and decide to get that taken care of.

It takes me just under an hour and a half to clean it up, brush and mop the floors, tidy my desk and grab a can of Tuna for lunch (I’m learning that if I don’t drain all the juice out of it I can eat tuna without it causing me to lose my breath).

I also check Jenny’s website and realise that it’s ready to go, so for now, it’s back to work.

1.25PM – BACK TO WORK ON JEN’S WEBSITE

The theme I originally installed was terrible, so I try a different one, but that sucks too.

Most of the next hour is spent going back and forth between different WordPress themes trying to get something that works for me.

2.17PM – NAP TIME

Eventually I just get tired and allow myself to lie down. This is terrible isn’t it? I slept late and I’m still exhausted, but hey, at least I’ve made progress today, and I tell myself that as I lie down to take another sleep.

4.23PM – BACK TO WORK

Two hours later, I’m back at it. I’m so exhausted today and just can’t seem to get my shit together at all, but I do is just move between one theme and another. Eventually, I seem to find something I like and get that in, but my heart really is not in working today, so eventually I give up and go to make food.

5.20PM – DINNER

As I’m making a chicken korma with chips for dinner, I get struck with this overwhelming feeling that I just don’t want to go to tonight’s AA meeting, but go I must, and I battle with this for most of the next two hours

6.45PM – GET READY FOR MEETING

I’ve decided that I’m going even though I don’t really want to. It’s a chore just getting ready, but I get ready anyway because I know that this will be good for me in someway even though I don’t actually realise it.

7.10PM – CYCLE TO MEETING

It’s raining, which makes it worse, but I force myself to get to the AA meeting and to sit there for almost the full meeting without saying anything before putting in a quick share about how tempted I was to drink when I was in Manchester on Tuesday.

9.10PM – CYCLE HOME FROM MEETING

I get out of there as soon as I possibly can and head straight home to my Sami.

9.30PM – SAM TIME TIL BED

When I’m home I head straight to my girl and spend the rest of the night with her, relaxing, taking it easy, just enjoying her company as best I can.

The funny thing is that Sam doesn’t even know that this journal exists, and yet I can’t help but fill it with words about how much I love her.

REFLECTIONS ON TODAY

Not the greatest day ever, I was just too tired to get anything proper done and I feel like I wasted most of the day, but at least getting Jen’s website started was something – that will be the thing I need to get this started properly.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is always a new day.

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