Day 1

It’s going to be better for me if I do this journal as I go on, sort of live blog my day thing. That way I can just capture things as they happen instead of trying to remember stuff at the end of the day. 

Plus, I know that at some point I’m going to get distracted, so I’d rather get distracted by this, which is useful, than by Facebook or websites or Twitter or some such. So here, goes.

5am – early Skype with Sam

Woke up mega early to steal a few hours with Sam on Skype. I’m massively exhausted and got a head fog, but this is what makes me happy and keeps me in a positive mood, so it’s worth doing.

8am – back to Sleep

Sam goes to bed and I fall back asleep for two hours. I can’t really afford to, there’s a lot to do today, but I’d rather get a bit more sleep and try and attack the day later, albeit with a clearer head, than earlier but with my head full of fog.

10am – Planning my day

Brain is still a bit foggy, but nothing a couple of cups of tea won’t fix (no more coffee for me, it sends my anxiety crazy). First things first. It’s Friday, so that means that I have one day left to complete the ten weekly goals I set for myself on the Saturday.

I check those and see that I have five left incomplete, which is disappointing. I’ve been working on stuff though, and I think that realistically, I can complete three more goals by the end of today.

Before I start on those though, I need my daily plan. This is a list of just ten or eleven things that I need to do on that particular day. It’s never more than eleven because I have learned that this is a realistic amount for me to achieve on any given day.

I normally write these the night before, but last night I was so exhausted that I didn’t get round to it. So I do this now, incorporating items which cover all of the following:

  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Work (running my freelance copywriting business)
  • Some task towards one of my hobby projects
  • Essential tasks to manage my home
  • Anything else that is urgent and needs to be completed that day.

11.15am – Mental Health and Spirituality

After various distractions, I’m just about good to go with getting on with the tasks on my list. First things first, is that I need to do tasks that help with my mood. I refer to these as mental health and spirituality tasks, as they’re the ones that will put me in a decent frame of mind, and I know that if I don’t do them, my days normally end up being shittier.

First is to write a daily grattitude list. I keep a small journal that I just write in the things that I’m grateful for each morning. This normally includes things like food, shelter, the talents that I have to make a living, Sam, my family, and whatever I happen to be happy about that morning.

I find that this is a good thing to do, because it reminds me right from the outset what a lucky guy I am, and how blessed I am to have so much abundance in my life. You know, it’s hard to be in a shitty mood when you’re feeling grateful for everything.

From there, I sit back, try to let things go, and do this five minute Positive Mind meditation.

I’ve experimented with meditation and different guided meditation videos for about the past six or eight months, but so far I’ve found that this is the only none that really works for me. I wouldn’t say I feel totally uplifted after doing this one today, but I know that something will have sunk in and that I’m currently on course for completing today’s 11 items.

11.30am – Call the Phone Guy

So last week I accidentally broke my iPhone by leaving it near the sink when I was trying to do dishes. It got so badly water damaged that it wouldn’t turn on again. Because I’ve been procrastinating all the time up until yesterday, it was just sitting in my kitchen waiting for me to take action on it, all the while god knows how many people have been trying to get hold of me.

I just called the phone guy, it will be ready before 5pm today, so that means I’ll have to go into town and get it. That isn’t on my schedule for today, but I do kind of need my phone, so I guess just do whatever it is that I have to do today.

11.35am – Tai Chi Practice and Shower

I’ve been going to Tai Chi now since about October 2016, and I find that it is helpful in helping to build strength in my damaged left leg (more of which on another day), relieving the pain in my back (something that has been going on since 2008 and generally calming my mind.

As much as possible, I try to do at least 10 – 20 minutes of practice each day. So I get that done, then I take a shower, brush my teeth, wash my face, moisterize (I get dry skin around my lips, and this helps) and have a shave. Then I get dressed.

12.10pm – Walk to Parents and Weight Measurement

During my recent bout of suicidal depression, I ate heavily, ate everything in sight to try and change the way I felt. So, as a result, I’ve gained at least 10 lbs. I think I was about 13 stone when I measured myself in January (though even that was too heavy, and up from what I normally am).

So I just walked to my parents, which is five minutes down the road because:

A) It gives me a few minutes of exercise
B) It gives me a few minutes of fresh air
C) hey have bathroom scales that I can weigh myself on.

I’m today 13 stone 10.
My waist is: 39
My stomach is: 45
My arms are: 13.5 (r) and 13 (l)

I’ll set new targets for these tomorrow. Today is my last day of eating what I like, so I treat myself to three pieces of  cheese on toast before I finally get down to some work.

12.45pm – Finally Start Work

There’s a part of me that is pissed off with myself for waiting until the middle of the afternoon to start work. Making a living should be my priority, but here I am, spending all morning sleeping in and dicking around with Tai Chi when I should be at my laptop, writing.

I reasoned that the other stuff was important to get done, and that it’s totally fine to leave it until this late, and maybe it is.

I do 2 hours, 22 minutes of work in which I complete three sports/horse racing/gambling articles for Albert. These are usually pretty easy and I blast through them and find that I’ve actually enjoyed them, but I still have another ten of these to get through as soon as possible. I need to stop though now, partly because I’m at that level of tired wherein I can barely think straight, and partly because it’s now after three pm, so I need to go into town to pick up my phone.

I feel that this period of work went relatively well today, and that even though I did get distracted and end up going off on mad tangents (including looking up betting odds for WWE Wrestlemania and reading this article about what will happen when the queen dies and other such nonsense. But compared to how distracted I am on other days, this was actually a pretty decent effort.

Music I listened to while working today

I love music. Today’s working album is Yuri Gagarin, At The Center Of All Infinity.


I also listen to Long Distance Trip by Samsara Blues Experiment.


3.40pm – Go to Town to Pick My Phone Up

I’m excited about this and believe it will be the end of my problems, but of course, it’s only the begginning.

By the time I get home, I realise that the phone isn’t charging and then, when it finally charges, the touch screen is faulty and not registering anything correctly. Damnit. I could try and fix this myself but its going to be easier if I take this back to the store first.

So that’s my plans changed for Saturday, I’ll have to do that first thing in the morning. Fucking joy of all unholy joys.

4.40pm – Writing

Distracted by Facebook, the Internet and everything else, it takes me about an hour to write 100 words to finish off a hobby blog that I write. By the time I’m done and I post my new blog, I have to get off my ass and head out.

6.20pm – Friday Night With Friends

Every Friday night, some friends of mine who have all had their own problems with alcohol/mental health/addiction get together and have a support group where we just talk about things.

I was planning to go a little bit late and just keep quiet because I’m tired, but instead, because everybody decided they couldn’t hold down their responsibilities for the group,  I was left buying supplies, opening the room, organising the whole damn thing. I was in a fucking foul mood when I got there.

9.30pm – Home with Sam

I get home and Sam is mad about various things, which I automatically think is all because of me because hey, aren’t I the centre of the entire damn universe?

I eat dinner, Sam does her DJ set and we hang out on Second Life, eventually we lose the tension and enjoy a laugh. My old friend Dawn comes to hang out with us, and it’s fun, Dawn even helps me for a few minutes in making fun of the psychotic bitch known as My Ex.

I go to bed around 1.30pm. Saying goodnight to Sam is still difficult.

Reflections on Today

A frustrating day. It took me all morning to get my shit together, my phone is still broken despite paying £60 to get it fixed, and having to run around and do everything because none of my friends could hold up their responsibilities was annoying as hell.

These are things that could happen to anybody though, and I don’t think that my ADHD, mental health, alcoholism or anything else played a big part in anything today. Just a standard, run of the mill day.



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